Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Ronald Reagan-Jelly Belly Connection

"You can tell a lot about a fella's character by whether he picks out all of one color or just grabs a handful."
-Ronald Reagan

     As we all know, Ronald Reagan began eating pectin jelly beans in 1967 to combat his debilitating pipe-smoking addiction. These pectin jelly beans were provided to him by the shadowy Herman Goelitz Candy Company. When Reagan became President, Jelly Bellies took over as the most prevalent candy at the White House. So long, Candy Corn! Oh wait a minute, would it surprise you to know that Candy Corn was also invented by the Herman Goelitz Candy Company?

     Ronald Reagan's favorite flavor of Jelly Belly was licorice. Sounds normal, right? My sources have told me that studies are being done which say that licorice may be effective in the prevention and treatment of Alzheimer's Disease. Was Reagan onto something?

    I found the Goelitz' obsession with creating food flavored candy to be quite odd, but I found it even more odd that they were trying to use candy to combat disease. Was Ronald Reagan just a pawn in The Goelitz scheme to create a New World Order for medicine and food? Just think, instead of growing, harvesting, and eating food you could just eat a food flavored Jelly Belly. Hmm...that sounds eerily familiar. I believe we all remember the three-course meal stick of gum from the twisted factories of Willy Wonka. Scientist at the Institute of Food Research (IFR) are now saying that with the advent of nanotechnology these possibilities may become reality.

    Lately, I've noticed the emergence of gummy vitamins. You'll have to forgive me, but I can't help but think that this wouldn't have come to fruition without the harbinger of medicinal candy, Ronald Reagan. When Reagan retired he bought a house in Bel Air, California. The address was 666 St. Cloud Street. Normally, I wouldn't have thought this to be out of the norm. But, Nancy refused to move into the home until the address was changed to 668 St. Cloud Street. Hmm...Weren't there 1,000 prophecies in the bible, and of those 1,000 prophecies, haven't 668 of them been fulfilled?

Reporting from somewhere deep in the heart of Orange County,

Mike Spies

Nerdy Thursdays Presents: UTI